


Remembering Details

by diangelonnico



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing cure, M/M, slow-build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-03 06:43:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1734947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diangelonnico/pseuds/diangelonnico
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fall of Hydra, Shield work hard to find out what happened to Bucky Barnes and see if they can get him to remember his past. Steve wants this so much, he wants his best friend back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever writing any fan-fiction for MCU, so you’ll have to let me know how I did.

_**Steve** _

One night, at about 7 ‘o’ clock, Steve got a call to say that Hydra had been shut down – and Bucky was back at the Shield HQ being treated. They’d thought he might want to know, and he did, he really did.

Bucky was his best friend, was being the key word. Before Hydra had taken him and experimented on him and made him into a monster with Bucky’s face. Shield was trying to get Bucky back. Steve knew Bucky was still in there, somewhere. Why would he have pulled him out the water if he wasn’t?

Steve visited him sometimes, while they were trying to get him back to normal, find out how Hydra had brainwashed him, he didn’t have anyone else to visit him.  Every time Steve saw him, with his metal arm and his sunken, dead eyes it hurt his heart. It hurt that Hydra had done this, to Bucky. It hurt that there was a chance Bucky would never be the same again because of this, it hurt that they had taken his best friend away and condemned him to a fate possibly worse than death.

Steve had thought he was dead, but he wasn’t. He didn’t know which would be worse – for Bucky to have died falling from that mountain all those years ago, or for him to continue being like – like this, a brainwashed killing machine. The killing machine was probably worse, but if they could get at least part of Bucky back, maybe it was better. Steve didn’t know.

Two whole months’ later, after countless missions and minor issues for Steve to sort out, he got another call from HQ. He’d just got back that minute from scouting a secret underground tunnel – thought to have been used by Hydra – with Natasha and he was exhausted. There was nothing there of course, but it was a bloody long tunnel. He’d looked at the number and thought they were sending him out again, since he was probably nearest to whatever they wanted him to do. But they weren’t.

The call was to say they’d managed to get Bucky back, the killing machine was gone. Steve was overjoyed, he might have his best friend back – but that came crashing down when they said that they needed to run some tests and interviews and whatnot before they could be 100% sure, as opposed to their 98% sure now. They wanted to see what he remembered before he saw Steve or anyone from his past – Steve being the only one left now.

_**Bucky** _

Bucky did remember. He didn’t know what the men and women in the lab coats did but suddenly he could remember. Everything was a little blurry but he remembered.

He woke up in a room with blue walls, a big mirror (that was actually a one way window) on the far side. He was in a single bed with scratchy blankets but a comfy mattress.  The blankets were blue too. There was a desk and two chairs to the side of the room, a bit like an interrogation desk, but not like that. The desk was nice and the chairs looked comfy, the type you might find in a library.

Bucky looked around and was surprised to remember that the blue blankets were like the ones he used to have at home as a little boy. He was confused as to why he remembered, but he did. He remembered Steve and Peggy and the war and being captured and experimented on and falling in a snow covered landscape. He remembered pain, so much pain and men in uniforms picking him up and taking him away. He didn’t remember much after that, which was very blurry. All he remembered from after that was being locked, in a room while it slowly froze around him the waking up on a hard table with a metal arm and no memory, the only thing in his head ‘Hail Hydra, kill the rest.’

But he had a feeling it was okay now, that he didn’t need to think that anymore. A door opened then, and a man in a white lab coat came in a smiled at Bucky. He sat down in one of the chairs by the desk. Bucky got up and warily went to sit in the other. He could remember doing this with the same man before. He could remember him asking him questions that he didn’t know the answer to.

He could remember the man asking the same questions time after time and Bucky never being able to answer them, just sitting there staring at the dark brown wood of the desk in silence. The man had set a plate down on the desk with a knife and fork and a glass of water.

“Can I not have coffee, or is it still being rationed.” Bucky laughed. He had a feeling he hadn’t laughed in a long time. The man sat across from him looked surprised.

He quickly regained his composure and said “Of course, milk and sugar?”

Bucky shook his head and the man went out of the room. Bucky started eating the food he’d brought him and when he came back with the coffee he drank that too. Bucky had a feeling he hadn’t drank coffee in a long time. It tasted good.

Once he had finished the man asked him the questions he asked every day. Bucky could see a spark in the man’s eyes, like something had changed this time.

“What’s your name?” He asked.

“James Buchanan Barnes, but my friends call me – called me – Bucky.” Bucky answered without missing a beat. The man wasn’t expecting this, he smiled and wrote something down on his clipboard.

“Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

“Do you know where you were?”

“Hydra.”

“Do you know why?”

“They wanted me to obliterate Shield.”

“Do you know what they did to you?” He asked.

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, unpleasant memories forming. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He spat.

“Okay.” The man said and scribbled something else down on his clipboard. Bucky eyed him precariously.

“Can you tell me what year it is?”

“2014”

“What year were you born?”

“1922”

The man carried on asking questions like this, and Bucky answered them all with quick-fire, one word answers.  He was surprised how much he could remember from his past, considering it was  a blank the day before. He wondered what they had done to him.

When the man had finished he got up and proceeded to leave. Before he could Bucky looked up and asked him a question. “What did you do to me? To get me to remember.”

The man smiled. “We found an antidote to the brainwashing techniques Hydra used. It’s nothing you need to worry about.” He told him sympathetically.

Once he was gone Bucky banged his fist on the table. “yes I do need to worry about it.” He growled.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Bucky_ **

Days went by and the man kept returning and asking the same question that Bucky would not and could not answer. “Do you know what they did to you?”

A simple yes wasn’t enough. Even trying to remember was painful. It was a part of his life that he just wanted to shut off and seal in a deep vault, to never go back to again. It was an experience that had changed him for the worst and he still wasn’t the same, he would never be completely the same.

He wanted to get out of this room, this – this prison they were keeping him in. He wasn’t stupid and he quickly realised that the mirror was actually a one way window and while the killing machine he used to be would not have realised that, Bucky did and he resented them for doing this and keeping him in the dark about everything. Everyone always kept him in the dark.

He was Hydra’s key player in the war on Shield and what did they do when they didn’t need him? Kept him locked in a room with his memory wiped.  He was glad they got shut down, but Shield was hardly any better.

The next day when the man came back – Bucky still didn’t know his name, the questioning thing only seemed to work one way – Bucky asked a question of his own, “Can I leave yet?”

He was answered with another question. “Where will you go?”

Bucky just shrugged and dropped his eyes. “How come you’re the only person that comes to see me?” He asked.

The man just smiled and said “We need to know you’re completely stable before we let anyone else in.”

“I am stable! Why would I not be stable! You cured the – whatever it was Hydra did to me so why would I not be stable?” Bucky protested.

“Like I said, we need to know whether or not you’re completely stable first.” And with that the man left Bucky alone with only his thoughts and resentment.

__

In the bathroom, just connected to the room Bucky was being kept in, there was a small window, but not so small a person could not fit through it, and with his metal arm Bucky could probably rip enough of the wall off anyway. Also, there was no mirror in the bathroom and no visible cameras so that meant no-one was monitoring him.

Of course if he spent longer than 15 minutes in there they’d probably come looking for him but he could be long gone by then, and if he did it in the middle of the night with only a few people around, it would take them longer to get someone to go after him.

He couldn’t stand being trapped here any longer, he wanted to see Steve and the world now he was almost normal again. He wasn’t a threat anymore no matter what the doctors and scientists thought, they weren’t in his brain, and they didn’t know him.

So, at exactly midnight, Bucky went into the bathroom, changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt and broke the window and tore some of the wall away as quietly as he could. He was lucky he was only on the second floor. He crawled down the side of the building then jumped and landed lightly on his feet. Then he ran.

  ** _Steve_**

A week after the first call and Steve couldn’t sleep. He wanted to see Bucky so badly, he wanted his best friend back. Bucky had been there for him since they were kids and he wanted to be there for Bucky now – now that Bucky needed him and not the other way around. Steve had gone to HQ and begged and begged them to let him in to see Bucky but they wouldn’t. They said “We’re not completely sure he’s stable.” And that’s all they would say. He would guess that Bucky knew even less than him.

It was almost or maybe a bit before almost, 1AM when Steve heard an urgent knock at his apartment door. He wondered who it could be. He didn’t know, most people would call him first.

He got up and switched the lights on slowly making his way to the door. As he did so he heard another knock, more urgent this time. Steve opened the door to find someone he didn’t expect.

It was James, Bucky. He looked at Steve then down at the floor. “What are you doing here?” was the first thing to come out of Steve’s mouth.

“I . . . I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” Bucky said quietly. “I didn’t know where to go, and suddenly I was here.”

Steve smiled. “Come in.” And he let him past. “The way it sounded Shield weren’t gonna let you go for a while, what changed their mind, and in the middle of the night? Desperate to get away huh?”

“Yeah. They didn’t exactly say I could go.” Bucky admitted awkwardly, sitting on the sofa in Steve’s front room.

“Oh. Are you not expecting them to come and find you?”

“That’s why I ran, fast.”

Steve nodded. “Well, you can stay here if you’d like. Hope they don’t expect you to be here.”

“Let’s hope they don’t, I couldn’t stand being locked in that room with them asking me questions any longer.”

And that was when Steve really got a good look at Bucky. He looked like he’d been locked in a room for three months and tortured for 70 years before that. He looked awful, with his hair pulled back in a messy bun and deep circles under his eyes. “Are you okay Bucky?” Steve asked sitting down next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

Bucky eyed his hand then said. “No . . . I don’t think I am.” After some deep thought.

“I think you should get some sleep. We can talk in the morning.” Steve decided. “You look like you need it.” He said, concern clear in his voice. It was strange for Steve to be the one concerned about Bucky, usually, in the past it was always Bucky concerned about Steve.  He got Bucky some blankets and let him sleep on the sofa promising to get an air mattress or something for him the next day.

__

After about 20 minutes of lying in bed staring at the ceiling, Steve got a phone call. He groaned and reached for it. It was Shield, they better not want him to go on some stupid mission and 2 in the morning.

“Hello?” Steve said into the phone curiously.

“Hello, it’s Maria.” The voice said.

“Hi, sending me out again?” Steve asked.

“No actually, we’ve already got someone on the case but I needed to ask you something. Where would Bucky go, given the chance?” She asked.

“I don’t know, why?” Steve lied. He wanted to know if Shield were going to lie to him first.

“He ripped out the window and ran away into the night.” Maria stated flatly.

“Oh, er . . . I don’t know Maria, I’m sorry. I’ll call you if I hear anything.” He lied.

“Okay, just to check, he hasn’t gone to your place has he?”

“No.” Steve said a little too quickly. He didn’t want shield to take him away and lock him up again when he so clearly hated it, when he so clearly needed something else – to be free and not questioned every day, to be loved and not despised because of something he had no choice in, because of something someone had done to him.

Steve barely slept that night, afraid that someone was going to come and take Bucky away after he’d only just got him back for the first time in more than 70 years, afraid that someone was going to take him away when he’d only just got himself back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a while so I'm sorry, but I'm trying! Just running thin on ideas at the moment. Enjoy

**_Bucky_ **

Bucky was woken up by the smell of bacon drifting from the kitchen, which was connected to the living room, no walls in-between or anything. When he opened his eyes it was light. He turned over onto his stomach and he saw Steve in the kitchen cooking.

“I didn’t know you could cook.” He said.

Steve turned around quickly. “Hey.” He smiled. “How are you?”

Bucky’s smile fell from his face. “I don’t know.”

Steve smiled sympathetically. “I know the feeling. It’ll be okay.” He said. Bucky had a feeling he was trying to convince himself as much as was trying to convince him. It didn’t work.

He managed to get himself up off the sofa and out the blankets he was tangled in and he sat on the stool at the kitchen counter island, watching Steve prepare bacon buns. Steve put a plate with a bacon bun in front of him and some tomato sauce. Bucky looked at it.

“What have they been feeding you up there?” Steve asked.

“Decent food, I never got a choice.”

Steve’s face fell. “Do you not like bacon, do you want something else?” He fretted.

“No, bacons good.” Bucky said with a half-smile. It was strange, Steve taking care of him.

They ate their buns in silence, not having much to say even after not properly seeing each other in seventy years. The real Bucky hadn’t really been conscious for much of it, and neither had Steve – but while Steve had had almost two years to adapt to the modern world – Bucky was only starting now. He knew guns and vehicles but that was about it.

“Are they looking for me?” Bucky asked when he was done out of the blue.

Steve didn’t say anything.

“Steve, are they looking for me?”

“yeah.” He admitted.  “I’m gonna call them, in a couple days let them know you’re okay and you’re fine here with me.”

“Do you think they’ll let me stay, or will they take me back – call me a threat to society?” He asked.

“I dunno.” Steve shrugged and silence followed.

**_Steve_ **

Steve didn’t say anything for a while after that, not knowing what to say. He didn’t want to lie. He took Bucky’s and his empty plate and he filled the sink up with warm soapy water. He slowly washed the dishes and put them back in the cupboard. When he turned back round Bucky was getting up from where he was sat.

“Where are you going?” Steve asked.

“To get a shower.” Bucky replied simply. “I’ve heard they’re a lot nicer now.” He smiled but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Steve feared the smile may never reach his eyes again.

“First door on the left.” Steve told him. “Towels are in the cupboard.”

“Thanks Steve.” And Bucky went.

A while later Bucky came out the shower with his wet hair a mess and the same clothes back on that he’d came in. “You need some more clothes.” Steve observed.

Bucky just looked down. “Fancy going shopping?” Steve asked him.

Bucky mumbled something that sounded like “I don’t have any money.”

“I can pay.” Steve said. Of course Bucky didn’t have any money, Hydra weren’t going to pay him for doing their dirty work after they’d spent all the money on brainwashing him and the metal arm and everything.

“You sure?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah.” Steve smiled. “You used to take care of me, so why not let me take care of you?”

Bucky just nodded shyly. He’d changed a lot since he’d been . . . taken. Steve just wanted the old Bucky back. The Bucky who laughed and made jokes. The Bucky who took few things seriously.  The Bucky who was his best friend and had been for years. Maybe they were on their way to getting him back and maybe they never would get him back. Maybe all they’d get back was fragmented and distorted parts – but Steve would love him all the same because the old Bucky was still there, deep down, somewhere.

**Author's Note:**

> R & R greatly appreciated and I'm gonna try and get another chapter posted soon if you guys like it. :)


End file.
